Paranoid & Tired of it ALL.

[Tiburon]

William S. Burroughs said a paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. I feel like this is reality in my case. Some perceive I am an ungrateful pompous bastard who has given up on life, my ambition & capabilities and blamed all society for his own failures and undoings. Granted there is a large truth to all this(Which I am truly sorry for), is really possible people around me can "Literally" read my mind. At first I thought It must be mental disease but walahi I am certain it is not. Heck I feel as I type all you somnetters too can read my mind. A cousin of mine sometimes back said to me and I quote ''Before he was like Universal Tv and everyone gave it to him and now he is turning to be advertisement platform"

Why is this happening to me? How supposedly am I Supposed to connect? Who are my purported perceived enemies? I am no saint and possibly suffering from mild delusions of grandiosity but this is not fair. I feel like I am a puzzle in some sort of a game plan I am unaware of. In spite of my personal demons, I am stuck in this pendulum and apparently have to make choices soon for I do intuitively see a major danger in front of me.

Can fellow Somalis here tell me what their take is on these:

1 - Rain, biyo lagu siiyay, qaado, aqbal, ma fahmaayo, ha is waalin. Ma ceshan karo, waa fuleey, wuu dheelaayaa etc. What do these terminologies mean to you all?

2 - I feel like even if I were to change there is no escaping this unless I submit and supposedly connect. To whom? How et al is the biggest million dollar question? Your takes?

3 - How do people know when I am afraid or even what I am thinking? ?

4 - Do I have any other choice but to only accept my shortcomings which will include people reading my mind and try to suppress these voices, move on with my life and face life head and bite the bullet. I am no saint, but worried this maybe be a dangerous path to take? Am I even making sense guys? Please advise.

5 - What did a Somali dude whom I traveled with last week mean by maxaa dadka usiinee oo adbo wax ma heesatidee?

6 - Why did another oldman say ninkaan taariikhuu rabaa? Why am I even in this damned position? Where is my privacy? Yaan la tashtaa ama talo iihayo walalayaal?

Should I stop whining like a bitch and do something with my life & learn to trust the journey, even when I do not understand it.

I feel like an An addict who never stops growing Stupider.

Some even say waxaan wuu ka helaa? Why would I want to be in this damned situation?

What do they mean as a girl once put it, wax ma qarsankaro?

Am I supposed to be a pacifist, yes man and be grateful and stop over analyzing things? Does a naked man have choice?

Walahi My paranoia never ends, & I haven't been paranoid about being spied on by both shadowy forces and every person?

Could William S. Burroughs be right when he said "Paranoia is just having the right information.” or am I ungrateful delusional schizophrenic?

PLEASE SOMALIYEEY ADVISE ME....THANKS ALL...

I Will Conclude with a letter I wrote to purported wizard & My prospective Boss

To My Prospective Boss
I wronged myself, others and followed the wrong path, something I am still working towards & I will redeem myself - but now more than ever I cannot yield for I know the capacity & strategic potential of Myself. Sometimes when one innovates, you will make mistakes & its best to admit them and get on with your innovations.

To many I have failed especially to the close ones and those who have been following me with positive intent & I am truly sorry for that but failure not! Not according to me and I know I have a big ladder to climb to prove that for one is often judged by what he has done and not what he is capable of. One never really knows how good he is until he goes out and faces failure. This is a test for me and I will not yield. If there is one certainty in my life, it is that I have never been more explicit about my alpha potential and it will be wrong to yield now for anything less than premium and long term viability.

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Which is exactly what is needed in my case, not negative but positive tension. If one´s strategy does not have a tension driven story, one does not have a strategy.

Excessive pompousness is no substitute for real character, vision and most of all positive energy.

We all have to start somewhere in life. The key being inclusive, work hard but never lose your eventual sight, character, goal and vision. Good managers come & go but innate talent is rare and should be nurtured and capitalized on.

Simplicity and being detail oriented is the key, but more than anything getting outside your comfort zone, loyalty and showing humility. The world is a small place and I for one will never be apologetic about seeing arbitrage wherever it maybe.

Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves. Emotionally driven calculated boldness is not a hindrance, rather has been my catalyst and showed me the way in many ways. I will start where I need to and from there scale on.

Great visionary leaders & managers have a knack for finding talent in the wrong places in this world and I for one have no doubt Me Inc is viable and bankable with almost guaranteed exponential growth.

Will conclude with a quote from one of the great visionaries of the 21st century, Steve Jobs:
¨In most people´s vocabularies, design means veneer. It´s interior decorating. It´s the fabric of the curtains of the sofa. But to me, nothing could be further from the meaning of design. Design is the fundamental soul of a human-made creation that ends up expressing itself in successive outer layers of the product or service¨


Your take all.. Thanks and mahadsanidiin.

[original dervish]

Roll a fat one....things will be a lot clearer after that.

[Lyre]

I think you have a lot going on in your mind at this moment and so your post a little unclear as to what the specific issue is.

For clarification, I'd like to ask a few questions:

• What is it, exactly, that you're paranoid about?
• You seem fearful but of what? Is it the fear of having your inner self known to others?
• You say you feel like an addict, what are you addicted to?
• What "damned situation" do you mean?
• You say that you're paranoid about being spied on by shadowy forces... do you worry about potential threats? Do you see a potential threat in every corner?
• Who is the "purported wizard" you mentioned (and how are they a "wizard")?

It's not possible for people to literally read your mind. As someone who's been accused of being able to read minds, those who seem like they can are just perceptive or may be an empath (that is, highly attuned to the mental or emotional state of another person). About the paranoia of people being able to read your mind, I'm somewhat paranoid myself and I admit the thought has crossed my mind from time to time (ie. can others possibly read my mind) and, funnily enough, the worst thoughts creep to mind as if my mind wants so badly to embarrass me in case it was ever possible. But it's not possible. We all have strange thoughts, doesn't make us crazy, you can simply use your reason to quell any such worries.

That said, most of us are not entirely unreadable - people can pick up on our emotional or mental state and guess what we may be thinking from our body languages, facial expressions, the connotation of our words, among other indicators. This isn't a bad thing. Most humans yearn to be understood and these clues help people understand us somewhat.

Why is this happening to me? How supposedly am I Supposed to connect? Who are my purported perceived enemies? I am no saint and possibly suffering from mild delusions of grandiosity but this is not fair. I feel like I am a puzzle in some sort of a game plan I am unaware of. In spite of my personal demons, I am stuck in this pendulum and apparently have to make choices soon for I do intuitively see a major danger in front of me.

If you don't mind, please clarify what you mean by this. What is happening to you?

Can fellow Somalis here tell me what their take is on these:

1 - Rain, biyo lagu siiyay, qaado, aqbal, ma fahmaayo, ha is waalin. Ma ceshan karo, waa fuleey, wuu dheelaayaa etc. What do these terminologies mean to you all?
Wish I could help but I don't understand Somali well enough.

2 - I feel like even if I were to change there is no escaping this unless I submit and supposedly connect. To whom? How et al is the biggest million dollar question? Your takes?
Our purpose is to submit to Allah. And we submit to him through remembrance of Allah and the Day of Judgment, worship (salat), obeying Him, among other things. Some seek a connection to God in various ways. Personally, I do so through remembrance, prayer, reading the Qur'an, noticing and reflecting upon the Signs, and trying to attain the attributes of the righteous (that I find in the Qur'an). We are also bestowed with the potential to form connections with our fellow humans. There is no better way than by being sincere and open with another person and having honest, heart-felt conversations. Nothing quite like it, in my humble opinion.

3 - How do people know when I am afraid or even what I am thinking? ?
As I've already stated, through body language, facial expression, choice of words, etc.

4 - Do I have any other choice but to only accept my shortcomings which will include people reading my mind and try to suppress these voices, move on with my life and face life head and bite the bullet. I am no saint, but worried this maybe be a dangerous path to take? Am I even making sense guys? Please advise.
To be honest, I find myself struggling to make sense of what you are trying to get across but I assume that is because you have a lot going through your mind as you typed this.

Do you hear voices in your head? If so, despite the stigma attached to mental illness, there is no shame in trying to having one or in trying to find out if you may have one. It may help to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.

We all have shortcomings, no one is perfect. It's easier to come to peace with one's lot in life if they accept their shortcomings and appreciate the good traits they do possess as well as practising gratitude for whatever blessings they have.

5 - What did a Somali dude whom I traveled with last week mean by maxaa dadka usiinee oo adbo wax ma heesatidee?
6 - Why did another oldman say ninkaan taariikhuu rabaa? Why am I even in this damned position? Where is my privacy? Yaan la tashtaa ama talo iihayo walalayaal?
Again, I don't understand Somali well so I can't respond to this.

Should I stop whining like a bitch and do something with my life & learn to trust the journey, even when I do not understand it.
There's nothing wrong with expressing one's worries and doubts. It's actually freeing, especially if you have bottled it up for so long. We all go through life winging it. If only we were each given a manual unique to our respective journeys in life. But, alas, we are to go through it blind.

There is no reason to feel that you are growing stupider. It's a sign of wisdom to realize that we know very little, no matter how much we read or study about anything. God alone is All-Knowing, in remembering this, we can be humbled and realize that an inherent lack of complete knowledge is entirely human. We can't escape it.

I don't think it's good to be a complete pacifist, it's best to take a balanced approach. So, depending on the situation, you may choose to practise pacifism or to be proactive. Don't allow yourself to experience anxiety over making the wrong choice or in taking the wrong approach, we all make mistakes. Think of them as learning moments.

Sometimes I think that paranoia is a sign of an overly cautious person who considers as many possible scenarios or outcomes as they can think of, maybe out of a subconscious desire or need to always be prepared for disappointment or danger. But, at times, I think paranoid individuals need to monitor their thoughts and to relax. It's not easy being on edge all of the time.

You seem very apologetic about your faults. There is no need to be. We all have faults, we simply need to recognize them and to cope or reform accordingly. No one expects you to be perfect. And I get the impression that you seem to think that people are out to get you (correct me if I am wrong and I apologize if I am). You don't have to open yourself up to everyone but maybe it would do you some good to slowly open yourself up to someone you believe is trustworthy, honest, and understanding and to allow yourself to trust them. Not for them, but for yourself. It might help to ease your worries if you see for yourself that it's okay to let another person to understand you - that it won't harm you but may instead make you feel more connected and less alone and, hopefully, less paranoid.

[Grant]

Judging from the magnitude and length of the manic phase, this depressed period could be a dilly. Seek professional help ASAP. "Tired of it all"is not a good sign.

[Marques]

Bullets points too? i'm done.

[XimanJaale]

Sorry to hear bro. My best advice to you is to don't bother over-analysing everything. Also don't bother taking everybody serious, who cares what others say to you. Live your life and don't listen to others.

Read more Quran, make more hobbies, socialise mostly with your close friends. If you don't trust them, then make new friends. Just stay positive, active and chase your dreams.

[GenkinMaru]

Dear Tiburon,

Your situation unfortunately is one that I have heard of in the Somali community all too often. I personally have close friends and relatives who all became paranoid and bipolar. This ofcourse brings a lot of depression to these people. The Good news is that it can be managed quite well with anti-psychotic medicine. I would urge you to seek medical help and be rid of the state your in. I honestly have to say that Somalis I guess are very prone to mental illness. although nost of the people who experience this disease are usually those who have a lot of stress. All of the people I know who experienced your experience are all usually very good at studying, they usually study too many hours or other things on their mind. What i am trying to say is that they all of so much on their mind it causes stress, leading to depression and paranoia.

But I repeat all have sought help and I promise you they all said the medication( tablets) helped them immensely. You should do the same.

[Lyre]

Bullets points too? i'm done.

For maximum readability and clarity.

[SimplySerene]

Judging from the magnitude and length of the manic phase, this depressed period could be a dilly. Seek professional help ASAP. "Tired of it all"is not a good sign.

I agree with Grant.

Seek professional help ASAP.

When you see a doctor explain in detail about the thoughts in your mind

[outlaw112]

You need to turn back to Allah sxb. And remember this world is nothing but a brief test.

[Tiburon]

Thank you all for your kind words. Indeed this world is short and a test to see our faith. I gotta keep the faith and have iman & believe good thing are coming my way. Insha Allah.
God can turn around any situation & with Allah all things are possible. Again thank you all and God Bless.

[Reacher]

Thank you all for your kind words. Indeed this world is short and a test to see our faith. I gotta keep the faith and have iman & believe good thing are coming my way. Insha Allah.
God can turn around any situation & with Allah all things are possible. Again thank you all and God Bless.

Brother


There is nothing wrong with you based on what you wrote. If anything, you are a little sensitive to people's unsolicited suggestions. I think you are one of those people who strictly adhere to privacy rules. It doesn't work among Somalis culturally speaking and everyone gets into your affairs and business. They don't have an ill-will by doing so, just a habit borne out of the firm belief and tradition that all Somalis are like a family. Which they are in more ways than one. So,

- the old man who said to you "taariikh buu u baahan yahay" for example, wants to correct a perceived short-comings in you. It is good to listen out of respect and not be offended by that. Often old people like to pick a bone with younger Somalis for perceived lack of experience or etiquette, the same way younger generation assumes that all old people are useless and uneducated, goes both ways.

- the somali man you traveled with last week who said don't give to others because they don't give anything to you: I think he was concerned and wanted you to keep some of your money(etc). Your personality may be the giving kind, but to him, he wanted you to leave something for yourself. I generally never tell people to not give. But Islam itself teaches that you don't give till you are bankrupt and you should keep something for yourself. Islam asks us to be moderate in everything including giving even though the option of giving everything away is praised as highly God fearing. Yet, moderation in everything is the way to go about life. I think this advise you were given can be looked at in two ways, but focus on the positive and that the man wanted you to keep some of your money.


I will write more later or another day Inshallah. My adivse to you is: be prepared that Somalis will comment, suggest, intrude, and lay claim to your very own life simply because you are a Somali. The younger generation doesn't understand that.


I know I sound one of them people who upset you, but I am badaw/reer baadiye among them loool.


PS: You are a good young man and very educated. What do you do for work? or have you done for work? I couldn't tell your profession by the letter you wrote to your prospective boss.